Diaper Mafia: Chapter 1

“Baby, baby, I hear as I am being nudged in the side. Baby, wake up,(pause) get up, it’s your turn,” “turn for what,” “I reply,” “to feed her.” My eyes, crack open at first, I can’t see anything, the red letters of the alarm clock are a little foggy. I blink, I blink again, the third times the charm, 3 a.m. Dam, as I through back the covers and place my bare feet on the cold, hard, wood floors. I wipe my eyes and reach over to turn the lamp on, when for the first time I here the cries of my 6 month old daughter. I try to get a grip on my surroundings even though I have been living in this house for years, the room feels new to me now.

For a brief moment I am upset, Haley Berry was about to step out of the shower, man am I going to try and finish that dream when this is over. I stand to my feet, but they feel like they are not there, and for a moment my legs give way. I feel light headed, and kinda lost to my movements. My legs quickly gain their strength, I proceed to to my daughters room, which is just across the hall from our bedroom. For the second time I here the her cries. It seems as if she has been crying for hours, but it has only been for seconds. As I reach her crib, a sharp pain slowly works its way from my small toe, to my knee, my thigh, my stomach, my chest, my lips, and then my eyes, as water almost trickles down my face. “Son of a,” I have stumped my toe, and now both my daughter and I are crying.

My wife screams “whats the matter,” I scream back, “my (blanking) toe,” however; what is really going through my mind is. If she had gotten up in the first place, I would not be going through this pain.

As I hold my toe, and hold back the curse words, for the third time I her my daughter’s cries. I push aside my pain, and limp my way to her crib. As I reach down to pick her up, I notice something oozing out of her pampers, and at that exact moment the smell from hell alerts me that it is here. Yet, from my mouth comes the word to explain this foul odor, this damnation to senses, this toxin of destruction, the cures for every father, “SHIT.”

My daughter smiles and cues, I look at her, and then the diaper. I am fully woke now, and Hally is going to have to stay in the shower a bit longer. As I proceed to change my daughter, my wife appears at the door. “What she do,” “you can’t smell that,” I reply. She then’s starts to laugh, while the pain of my toe, and the odor form hell is killing me softly. Finally, I am done with cleaning this poop, I grab the bottle, and began to feed this little monster. She quickly eats and falls back to sleep. By this point my toe is numb and sleep is creeping back upon me. I need to let Halley know she can get ready to come out of the shower now. As I place Jordan’s limp body in her crib. I since a level of pride come over me, a since of man-hood come over me, a since of having a place in this world comes over me. I have pride in myself, I am the man. Halley here I come.

I pull the covers over me and I snuggle into the pillow, when the unthinkable happens, seems like Halley is going to have to wait, because momma has a surprise for daddy now.

Jimmie Fair is the creator of The Fair Response.com, where the saying is “My Opinion is the only one that matters.”